How Do Anorexics Do It?

So I pretty much half-died this weekend. I'm only just getting over being out of commission. I have not been in such utter discomfort since....I don't know when. My umbilical hernia was different cuz that was just straight PAIN. And giving birth to Mck was a mix of pain and discomfort quickly soothed with a long needle to the spine. But this weekend? I writhed within myself. I needed out of my own skin. I did not know how to be comfortable. This was very very new to me.

I guess it was a bug, or a stomach flu, or some food poisoning. I don't know. I just know it snuck in on Friday night and only just left a few minutes ago. I managed to still get things done during the day yesterday though I'm not sure how because every fiber of my being, every ounce of my concentration was spent making sure I did not throw up on the cashier at Dollarama or on the side of the road or anywhere else for that matter.

I bought Gravol. Paid a little extra for the fast acting/long lasting ones. I'm not sure what their version of fast acting is. I don't think its quite the same as mine. See, MY version of fast acting would be me feeling decent by the time we got to the Santa Clause Parade. Didn't happen. I actually was pretty certain I was going to toss right there on Portage Avenue. I kept having to go sit down along the side road just to focus myself and get the nausea under control. I DID, however, make sure I was standing with McK when Santa went by. Couldn't miss THAT.

The drive back home was debilitating. I wouldn't even let them stop to get themselves food. I needed out of the moving vehicle, pronto. Home, James. I weebled and I wobbled (and I very nearly fell down) and eventually I passed out on the couch and woke up to die. Then I passed out in my room and woke up to die. Then I passed out in my bed and woke up to Saturday Night Live (who WAS that hosting??) And then I died.

It was a slow, agonizing night in which there was but one position that didn't leave me feeling like tiny little people were tearing out my stomach lining and trying to shove it up my throat. So I stayed in that position, naturally, all night long. Which resulted in neck pain, shoulder pain, and head pain. A small price for a few hours of nausea-free slumber.

Today? Today was so-so. I have never been more hungry yet more afraid to eat. Like an anorexic at a candy store. I have never been more desperate for a flavored beveraged, or stared so longingly at a bottle of pepsi. And milk. Oh sweet sweet milk. I'm sorry for ignoring you all weekend. It wasn't my intention. I wanted you, I swear, so badly. I wanted you on cereal, with chocolate, for my cookies, with cheese on toast. But I couldn't. I just couldn't face the idea of how you would end up. I want to remember you the way I love you, not the curdled mess I knew you would become.

So I had toast. With water. And a popsicle. With water. And a peanut butter sandwich. With water. And I? Am one crazy hungry chick. Tomorrow, dear belly, tomorrow.