Fight Night

I have been arguing with my six year old like she's 17 and I won't let her use the car. Really? This is what I have to look forward to for the next 12 years? Apparently she's "just like me". But I don't think I'm THAT obnoxious. Surely.

The Head Cheese

Today I had to order some business cards for my new boss at work. I have also ordered them for all of my crew which has proven to be time consuming as their role title has changed a time or two in the past week or so. Regardless, ordering was done.
After getting clarification from my boss on his title, I placed his order. A few minutes later, after he chatted with a fellow big wig, he returned and said he'd need a second box. Uh oh, I thought, name change again. No, no, he assured me, it was in addition to the ones already ordered. Ok. Cool. So I asked what would be different about these ones and he looked a little sheepish when he said,"They have to say president on them". Well. That was my cue. "Oh!! Oh!! Can I call you Mr. President?? Please!?". "No", he said. He followed it up with, "I told my wife that she was going to have to call me that and she said not a chance. Though she DID say maybe on my birthday". Too funny.

Derby Girls

Tonight my pal Ali and I went to observe a Roller Derby practice. Neither of us really knew what we would be watching or what to expect but we went with an excited nervous energy and high hopes.

We walked into the gym and saw all types of women, all shapes and sizes, all with clearly different fitness levels. But they ALL had one thing in common. Little pleated skirts and fishnet stockings. Oh yeah. We were smack dab in the middle of Derby-land.

Turns out the skirts are perfect for flexibility in movement and the stockings save your thighs from serious floor burn. As one woman said,"If you're not wearing stockings or leggings, when you fall, your thighs stick to the floor and the rest of you keeps going".

Anywho. We watched the ladies do a series of drills not unlike the basketball practices I endured from years gone by. They did practice falls and practice drops and drill after timed drill. Yet somehow, it was not intimidating. Then for the last 45 minutes they got into the oval.

This was an oval marked out on the gym floor with stickies and we watched them circle around. Slowly it dawned on me what they were doing and how it all made sense. It was fascinating to watch. The falls were impressive but as hard as you fall and as much as you may want to stay down and writhe in pain, there is a three second rule. Get up or get a penalty. Yikes.

So after much chitty chat and words of encouragement from the girls, we left, excited but unsure, wanting to be a part of the derby world. There was such an old school quality to it. It was honestly like something out of an old movie. And me? Well. I think I'd like a part in that flick.

In Two Words

Apparently all responses must be two words: (also known as a quick way to get out of doing a real post!!)

1. Where is your cell phone? TABLE TOP
2. Your hair? NON COLORED
3. Your mother? VERY OPINIONATED
4. Your father? FAR AWAY
5. Your favorite food? MOMS QUICHE
6. Your dream last night? NON EXISTENT
7. Your favorite drink? COCA COLA
8. Your dream/goal? MUCH TRAVEL
9. What room are you in? LIVING ROOM
10. Your hobby? ABSORBED READING
11. Your fear? WORK EMBARASSMENT
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? SAME HOUSE
13. Where were you last night? MY APARTMENT
14. Something that you aren’t? VERY SHY
15. Muffins? MORNINGS ONLY
16. Wish list item? TRAIL RUNNERS
17. Where did you grow up? WINNIPEG, MANITOBA
18. Last thing you did? GOT GROCERIES
19. What are you wearing? ALL CASUAL
20. Your TV? BIG ENOUGH
21. Your pets? ALL GONE
22. Friends? GROWING IMPORTANCE
23. Your life? PRETTY GOOD
24. Your mood? NERVOUS EXCITEMENT
25. Missing someone? USUALLY YES
26. Vehicle? SUZUKI SX4
27. Something you’re not wearing? COZY FLEECE
28. Your favorite store? WILDERNESS SUPPLY
29. Your favorite color? BRIGHT RED
30. When was the last time you laughed? EARLIER TODAY
31. Last time you cried? WATCHING MENTALIST
32. Your best friend? VERY IMPORTANT
33. One place that I go to over and over? MY IGA
34. One person who emails me regularly? MY COLLEAGUES
35. Favorite place to eat? CLAY OVEN

Desperately Seeking Ariel

Mck starts school tomorrow. She kind of has a backpack for this but we both had something else in mind. Now I'd like to just interject here and state for the record that her favorite princess is subject to change at any given moment.
So its last week. I'm at the store getting a few of her last supplies. I see a backpack. Its a doozy. Its the pack, a lunch kit attached and a pencil case-y thing, also attached. I pick it up. Its on sale. There is just one princess on it. Ariel. I have a moment of panic. Is that the one? Is that her fave right now? Will this pass muster? Do I have time in my week to deal with returning this if suddenly Cinderella is at the top of the leader board?

I walk around with it in my hand. I check the clothes. I peruse the groceries. I peek at shoes. I wander and scan the price to get the sale digits. I weighed out the value of my purchases. And then I put it down. I PUT IT DOWN. I put the backpack down. Not accidentally. On purpose. I will check with her first before buying it to make sure Ariel is the princess of the moment and then I will pop back to get it. The Ariel backpack. The last one. The one with the lunch kit and the pencil case. The last Ariel one with the lunch kit and the pencil case that is ON SALE. Oh sure, it'll be here tomorrow.

So. Um. About that backpack. Turns out it was EXACTLY WHAT MCK HAS ALWAYS WANTED. Ok. Good to know. I will go get it. I venture back there today. Wait a minute. Things look different. Where did the aisles go? Where are the rows and rows of school supplies and BACKPACKS??? Moved, gone, safely in the bedrooms of children who's parents must REALLY love them. Love them enough to get them that perfect Ariel backpack with the lunch kit and the pencil case. You know, the one that was ON SALE.

So I wandered. I looked everywhere. I found one with the 5 main princesses on it. Would that do? Would it be ok to get just a basic pack now that I've talked up the other one? Ariel was on this one but so were 4 other princesses. I hemmed. I hawed. And then I PUT IT DOWN. Sometimes I learn my lessons well. And sometimes? It takes a time or two.

I thought I might have success elsewhere. Not so much. After three more stores I hung out the white flag. So in a last ditch effort I took mck to a different store this eve with no hopes and a game plan in the wings to convince her that something else would be SO MUCH BETTER than some lame-o Ariel backpack. And there, amongst the smattering of backpacks strewn about, standing alone like the kid chosen last in gym class, was the second pack, the one with all the beyotches on there. And she? Fell. In. Love.

Can I just say it? Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. There.

The Torso-less Doll

So McK has this doll thing. Its not really a doll. Its more like a half doll where the intent is really to do the dolls hair. Its the top half of a doll, complete with arms, and cut off at the waist.

Its hair is long and black and scraggly. It is parted in the middle and hangs directly in her face, a la the flick The Ring. I suggested to McK that in an effort to lose the whole scary kid in a horror movie look she might want to consider giving the demon doll some bangs.

No matter the color or glitter applied to the demon dolls hair, it still just hangs there, limp, greasy looking, parted right down the centre. It looks like all of a sudden her head will spontaneously begin to spin around or her eyes will start to follow you around a room, the tiny slivers of them you can actually SEE behind the stringy hair.

I would not be surprised to be all alone in the apartment and then hear a quiet little, "hellooooo Charlotte" from where she sits, perched atop the kitchen table.

Everytime Pat walked into whatever room the freak doll was in he would jump and think someone was there. He finally had to stick it in mcks room with her other toys. She caught wind of this and we now, admittedly with a little evil behind our plot, place her in rather strategic places where we know we'll get a good bang for our "let's use scary looking kids to sell a horror flick" buck.

Today, when Pat was sitting on his bed looking over his newly repaired camera and not paying us any mind, we placed it in the doorway, set it in a location where you couldn't help but feel like you were being watched, and just waited. A few moments later, success.

This evening it sat on the pile of boxes in the hallway so whether you left a bedroom or the bathroom you were confronted with her nasty face staring you down. He actually picked it up and said "that thing is going to scare the life out of me every time I leave the room" and moved it somewhere else.

I don't know where he put her. Part of me wants to set it on his side table tonight, angled so that she is looking directly at him, just to see what happens. The other part of me wants to go and cut some freaking bangs in her hair so her cute little dolly face can show rather than leaving to my imagination the scars and blood and evil grin I see behind the curtain of horrible hair everytime I look at her.

I think I'm gonna go see where she's at. You know, just in case I have to get up for a glass of water or something tonight. But its not that I'm scared or anything. I just, um, you know, wouldn't want to trip over it or break it or stab it repeatedly in the face by accident.

Shhhhh. Her eyes may be covered with a greasy mop but she HEARS EVERYTHING.

McK Right Now

Right now mck is asleep in her bed, staying true to her side-sleeping persona, one foot tucked behind the opposite knee.

Right now mck's freshly washed hair is piled atop her head with a swoop across her forhead that makes her look like Audrey Hepburn.

Right now mck is completely uncovered and probably getting colder and colder until she wakes up at four in the morning and asks me to tuck her in. When she does this I am never groggy. In fact, I honestly believe I wake up a second before she needs me.

Right now mck has princess dresses strewn about on the floor all around her bed, a moat of satin and toile.

Right now mck is half awake, lightly sweeping up and down her arms. I'm guessing her next move will be a real good scratch.

Right now mck just turned over and is buried in a pile of stuffed animals, all of whom are placed in their specific spots everynight before anyone else can actually lie down.

Right now mck has drifted back off to sleep, dreaming of the scooter that she mastered today, the swimming that she rocked today, the games that she played today, and the adventures she will have tomorrow.

School Daze

Mck starts school on Thursday. I have been getting all of her school supplies in order for her and have a meeting with her teacher on Tuesday night. She was told to get certain items that would be kept in her desk. In her desk, people. This is some seriously heavy school shit!

For the last two years she has been a school kid. First, spending three days a week, half days in a pre-kindergarten program. She sat at random tables for snack and that was it. Then she was in half days all week for kindergarten where she sat at random tables for crafts and snacks and that was it. And now? My girl gets her own DESK.

I remember having to choose a desk. It was a much deliberated topic pre-start and a mad rush for the intended seat when the doors opened. Sometimes the desks were assigned. Sometimes they were paired side by side. Sometimes you got lucky and sometimes you got stuck by Kelly who used to pick her nose and save the boogers on her clear plastic ruler. When old enough, plans were made to ensure you were within ogling distance of that hot guy, you know, HIM.

I don't know how her desk location will be assigned. I just know the fact that she is even getting assigned a desk means my wee babe is not so wee anymore.

Club Z

I went to Zellers today. I honestly don't know how it stays open but I digress. Today at Zellers I saw some interesting folk.

There was a very animated, somewhat jewish looking lady going on and on to a very uninterested and somewhat embarrassed looking asian lady about how she planned her escape and subsequent divorce while her other half was away in Manilla. She took things from the house bit by bit and stashed it in a girlfriends garage so when the time came she would have everyting she needed. Her friend just nodded and looked like she wanted to be anywhere but at Zellers, at that moment in time.

Then there was the purse lady. As I perused the school supplies I noticed an unattended cart complete with purse. I thought it was the elderly lady browsing through scissors and white glue with me and thought nothing of it. Until I saw her. Fat ass all jiggling as she attempted to run, hollaring about the cart with her purse in it and how she thought little bobby so and so had it. She could have sworn that he was pushing the cart. "He"? Was about 4 years old. She came a-trotting and voila, there was the cart and the purse. I guess every once in awhile its a good thing that Zellers is always virtually empty. But the best part was the husband. A little, um, rough around the edges. He let everyone within ear shot know what he thought of her. Amusing and awkward at the same time. Apparently, she JUST DOESN'T THINK and THATS THE PROBLEM. Oh really? THAT'S your problem? Honey. I think its deeper than that.

An old lady smiled at me while I tried on shoes. Not creepy. I smiled back. I often wonder if you make a seniors day simply by smiling back at them. I think you probably do.
I saw a dad and his probably 10 year old girl in the clothes section. If ever a man looked lost, it was today in Zellers.

You know when they come on the loud speaker and announce that if you go REAL FAST and get to the MYSTERY SPOT RIGHT NOW you will get a free gift? Well. If I was more of a loser today would have been my day. Someone who works at Zellers is rushing to the mystery spot RIGHT NOW so don't wait any longer. I was perusing the purses when I saw the crowd of freebie-whores. They actually sat through a presentation on the ShamWow cloth by the creepiest man in Zellers just to get a free ShamWow. Really? Was it worth it? That ShamWow better be pretty f-ing fantastic. I walked past them and prayed to the gods of "just not right now" that I would not get hollared at to "just come see how this thing works ma'am, don't pass up this great opportunity!" I got past unscathed and un-ShamWowed.

Then there was the badling, Ron Howard-y looking dad who kept trying to get away from his two annoying children who enjoyed playing tag and his wife who was absorbed in floral print tshirts and soap opera digests. I was in the food aisles and somehow he appeared in every aisle I went down. Coincidence? No. Creepy? Yes.

Then there was the cashier with her stringy blonde hair and big glasses and teeth that were screaming for some whitening time. She rang through one item. Four ninety seven. She rang through the second item. Also four ninety seven. Now hold on a minute. Something must be wrong here. What are the chances of THAT? She looked at my bag. She looked at her screen. She advanced a bit of the bill. She pulled item two from the bag. She looked at the screen again. She looked at item number one. She studied item number two. She looked at the screen one more time in case, oh I don't know, it CHANGED IN THE LAST TWO SECONDS. Fnally I just said "they're both the same price". Oh I know, she says, but she just had to double check cuz that one thing seems like such a good deal and I think I'm going to run and get one. Um. Are we in target? Are you Kristen Wiig? Are you going to leave me at the till while you run off and get yourself a Sleeping Beauty 3D coloring set? I was tempted to lie and say it was the last one. There's just something about someone inspecting your stuff before they put it in your bag and being all personally interested in what you've bought that rubs me the wrong way. Its like the person who scans all of the headlines on the cover of a magazine before putting it in your bag. Go get your own.

The big bag of Maltesers was on sale for two bucks. I knew if I bought them they'd be done in the matter of an afternoon. So I didn't buy them. I know. Progress. Go me.

Lullaby

When McK was little I don't think I ever sang her to sleep. We never really did the whole lullaby thing. Admittedly she was a good sleeper and we didn't really need to. So its pretty cool that she loves music as much as she does. Today on the way home she made up her own lyrics to every song we listened to.

On my latest CD I have a few jazz songs that I quite love. When Baby Its Cold Outside came on with Ella Fitzgerald, I told her we could each learn a part and sing it together. She loved the idea. The song has been in my head all day.

Tonight, when I put her to bed, I knew she was super tired. I started to hum the song and she told me to sing it. Huh? Ok. So I sang what I could remember. Then I sang Someone to Watch Over Me. Then she wanted a kids song so I sang her one of my old faves, Baby Beluga. She just kept asking for more so I finally had to have her tell me what she wanted to hear.

"The only place I wanna be is lost with you". Really? Yes. Really. Early on Tuesday by Jesse Cook. So I sang it. I heard her start to hum along. Again, she said. So I sang it again. I had to listen real close but when I did, I heard her singing along with me.

I may never have sung TO her when she was little. But there was something even more satisfying about singing WITH her that more than made up for it.