Me, The Oxymoron

I was thinking alot about a variety of things last night. And it dawned on me. I like alot of opposite things. Things where you would usually like one OR the other. Not things where you like both just as much. It happens alot to me. Its like I love, love, love one thing only to realize that if I just had that one thing I would most certainly miss the opposite.

Usually people are one or the other. Like all those survey thingy's that used to go around by email, do you prefer thunder or lightening, chocolate or vanilla, coke or pepsi. I always had SUCH a hard time with those. How do you pick one when you love Coke when its from a bottle but prefer Pepsi when your choice is from a can? Chocolate in a cone and vanilla in a bowl with caramel sauce. I think I am not as cut and dry as I think I am.

Not only do I have a tough time being unable to choose favorites, but my likes are so opposite. Opposite enough that you'd think the choice would be clear. But no. Not me.

I can't read fiction books. I read non fiction only. I don't care to read something someone else made up. And yet, I love movies and have a hard time with documentaries.

How is it I love the real story when its on paper but want someone else's imagination when its on film?

I dream of a loft in Manhattan, amidst the hustle and bustle with people-watching galore and small groceries stores where I know the owner and the guy on the corner knows what time I pass by for the paper and I walk everywhere or ride the subway and we try a new restaurant every week and live in bookstores and coffee shops. I also dream of a one room cabin off the grid in the middle of a forest where no one will ever bother us and we live off the land and have fires every night and wash our clothes in the river and cook on a one-burner stove and spend lazy afternoons reading old magazines in our hammock.

If someone asked me to chose and I could only pick one place to live out my days I think my head would pop off.

I love having people over. I love it when people stop by. I love going to other peoples houses. I love it when we have company for dinner and friends with us at the beach or on the trail. I enjoy entertaining. I love to talk and share stories and look at photos and be with smart, witty, enjoyable people. But I hate social gatherings. I hate small talk. I hate large functions and feel like I glue myself to people I know so that I don't have to pretend to be interested when you tell me all about your job or your kid or your fabulous cabin. I leave at the earliest acceptable time and often earlier than that. Yet if you and I are having dinner I often don't want it to end at all.

Can I have it both ways? I like to think I can.

Thunder or lightening? Both. Mountains or desert? Both. Sleep in or get up early? Both. New York or the deepest darkest woods? Both. People or no people? Both. Chocolate or vegetables? Bot....ok, some choices are easier than others.